If only

My sweet girl,

If only I could go back in time

to show you what I now know.

 

I wish I could go back just about three years,

to tell you that he's not everything you think he is.

Do you remember those glasses that you fell in love with?

Get them.

They aren't old lady glasses,

and his opinion doesn't really matter anyway.

 

My dear,

you are different;

you are weird;

you are so special.

He is not your everything, and no,

you will not be together forever.

 

And I wish so badly

that I could go back to that terrible October two years ago.

I wish I could pick you up off the ground,

and wipe the tear stains off your face.

My sweet girl, I promise things will get better.

I know you are afraid without him.

You thought he was everything,

you would have dropped anything and everything for him.

But my sweet girl,

I wish I could show you where you are now.

 

You entered high school as the shy, weird kid

who had just two friends.

Maybe you'll always be a little different,

but being different has gotten you very far.

I wish I could show you how much your friends love you now,

and how much you have grown to love them.

You're all a little silly,

but they love you so much.

You have built this amazing community for yourself,

and your life is just beginning.

 

I wish I could go back in time and show you how wonderful you would become.

I wish I could go back in time and tell you not to change the way you are.

I love who you have become.

Stretch-marks and love handles, and thick thighs and all,

you have made a life for yourself.

 

But,

my sweet girl,

if I could show you all these things,

would you have become the woman you are today?

All of your challenges,

all of your fears and anxieties,

all of your doubts,

all of these things have made you who you are.

 

It hasn't been easy,

mental health is really quite hard.

But my sweet girl,

I am so proud of who you have become.

Next year, you're going off to your dream college.

In another four years, you'll start studying to become a doctor.

It's been a hell of a journey,

but the life you have is a life full of love.

The life you've got,

is the life you love.

 

It has never been easy,

and it's not getting easier.

But my sweet girl, I am just so proud.

We have come so far.

 

I wish I could go back in time,

and fix all your worries and struggles.

I wish I could go back in time,

and dry all your tears.

 

But these things made you into me,

my sweet girl.

I can assure you that the future is wonderful,

I'll be waiting for you.

 

Stay strong for me, 

-Your future self

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