The four walls in my room are white
The only white thing I’ve learned to love
To Trust
I spoke to them day after day
Knowing they’d listen without judging me

They were there on the good days
When I’d sit outside and play
Make mud cakes
And lay on the grass
Letting the wind lift me in the air

They were there on the bad days
When daddy would get drunk
Forget his name
But never forget to put a hand on my mother’s face

If the Walls could talk
What would they say?
Would they speak of the secrets they’ve held all these day

They’d reminisce on the day I learn to walk
How my feet looked so chunky to pick me up
Or the day I learned to speak
They had trouble keeping up with my curled Spanish tongue

Or the day I turned bilingual
Just to make sure they’d understand
My stories
My ranting
My secrets

They’d speak about the holidays before it would all turn bad
When we’d smile and laugh even though we knew Santa Claus wouldn’t come
And how the tooth fairy would be so broke at time, she’d leave a quarter so we wouldn’t forget she was still alive
Or how on Easter it was every man on their own
Because 5 of those eggs had a whole dollar just for you

The walls were always the first one to arrive and the last one to leave
They saw us be in momentary happiness before the screams would begin
When the screams took over the house
The four walls of my room
Turned the volume up on the TV
They shut out all the negativity
On birthdays they made a room of four feel like a room of 16
The same four walls came out in every picture
They held a smile through the misery

The four walls of my room
Were never just mine
I shared them with my two best friends
They kept her secrets
My secrets
Their secrets
Our secrets
Safe
They knew that when we said “I hate you”
We really meant “I love you”

The walls were always bare
We weren’t allowed to do anything with our room
But it always felt like a safe space
To whisper to the walls how unhappy you were
How none of the kids at school wanted to play
And they stayed calling you names
How in middle school it all stayed the same
But maybe a little bit worse
Because this time people wanted to fight you
For being too quiet
For making them ashamed of their grades
Or how through the years you hid behind sweater because you were too fat or too tall to be pretty

They’d tell you about the summer both my best friend and boyfriend stopped talking to me
My limbs were too tired to get out of bed
I starved myself every day
To the point where I wanted to faint with every step
But mom finally called you pretty so it must of been ok

They were there for me when the nightmares came and never left
When insomnia sweeped my feet and never released me from its chains

They were there for my biggest mistake
When my neighbor would come over
And strip me from all clothing
To play a game
I didn’t understand
Through beatings and stripping I spent my days
And I couldn’t sleep knowing the next day would be the same

But On those days the walls spoke to me
They told me I’d be ok
Even though they knew it wasn’t ok
But to the ears of a child
It was my only comfort
To know they were there

As far as I try to get
I think back of the same four walls
Because the four walls in my new room aren’t meant for me

If the walls in my room could speak of my past
They’d have a lot to say
Because They saw me grow up against all odds
They knew I’d shine brighter than the fear I was born in

They have been there for me more than a human could ever be
When I was most in pain
They held me tight
They stopped my tears
And for this I will forever continue to fight against what the world throws at me