If You Only Knew
Over 140,00 students stay home from school a day due to bullying
Bullying has become more complex over the years
Now people hide behind their computer or phone screens
Throwing the ever taunting words at the person on the other side
Suicide is the third leading cause of death in teenagers and adolescents
People will call you
Fat
Stupid
Psychotic
Ugly
Worthless
Unlovable
Some people will even say
They want you gone
But even when those words and insults are heard
Know that they are not true
Because even if you see yourself as
Fat
Stupid
Psychotic
Ugly
Worthless
Unlovable
You are not
You could be rich or poor
You could be on the highest level of happiness or one step from ending it all
You could be underweight or overweight
You could be abused
Or
You could have, what you believe is the greatest life
And not fathom the fact
That people would rather be hit
Than having to listen to the words
Not only because bruises are evidence
Because the physical pain goes away
There are all types of people in this world
But they are all the same in the eyes of God
I know what it’s like to bullied to the point that you don’t even want to exist
I know what it’s like to self harm even though I haven’t done it in months
I know what’s it’s like to sit there and comtemplate suicide
I know what it’s like to attempt suicide and have that feeling of why am I here
I knkow what it’s like to want to be hit instead of yelled at
I know what it’s like see and hear things that are not real
I know what it’s like to have some unreal human tell you to leave this earth
I know what it’s like to be depressed and just always sad
I know what it’s like to have anxiety to the point that just asking for a pen
Is like asking to tell your deepest, darkest secret
I know what it’s like when your own head turns against you
I know what it’s like to be scared of yourself
I know what it’s like to sit in the emergency room as psychiatric intake comes in and says
“You’re being admitted.”
I know what it’s like to hear therapists say, “You have to go to long term.”
Which is pretty much saying that you’re in a facility for months to longer to that
I know what it’s like to sit there in long term wondering when you can leave
Even though you know it’s the best option for you
I know what it’s like to be judged because of your mental illness
I know what it’s like to not be listened to when you need the most
Listen even though it might
Make your ears bleed
Or your eyes cry
You might change a life
You might even save a life
I also know what it’s like to come out of that darkness and into the light
No, it’s not easy
No, it’s not a walk in the park
But you can do it
Most people don’t know
That I survived bullyed throughout schooling
From kindergarten to the beginning of my eleventh grade year
Most people don’t know
That I had my first suicidal ideation at the age of eight
Most people don’t know
That I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression since I was thirteen
Most people don’t know
That I have tried to commit suicide seven times
From August of 2017 to July of 2018
Most people don’t know
That I almost didn’t make it
But
Most people also don’t know
I came out the other side
Stronger and healthier
Most people don’t know
That I have five tattoos
Meaning about my struggle
People don’t understand mental illness
Even though
You might be sitting somewhere
Comtemplating ending it all
Self harming
There is hope
I know there is
God got me through it
He can get you through it also
Pray to Him
Believe in Him
Have faith in Him
You can get through this
I know you can