I was scared as a child and now as I am trying to become a women I am even more terrified.

I cried myself to sleep late at night, the nightmares never stopped.

And how could they I was living them, I felt them; I know them like the back of my hand.

I lied to myself to ease the pain, I believed those lies for some time.

But I'm still scared, I'm scared that after I come to terms with my dad's passing I'll lose it.

It's not I ever really had it but still, I get headaches like crazy.

I hate hearing songs about daddy's little angles and other emotional crap.

I'm scared to say out loud that if I stay here I know I wont become anything.

I can't, it doesn't make sense in my head to stay here.

I'm scared to cry, knowing someones judging me.

I'm scared to smile from my heart, because that might start a river.

A river that I have blocked for so long, I could drowned if it gets out.

I can't deal, I don't know how to.

I feel so broken, like super glue is just silly putty.

I don't want to think to much, because the past aways finds a way to come back.

Even though I try and try to move passed it, I lie and laugh about it now.

But I cry, like a lonely child, with no one to love them.

I know they say they love me but, am I a bad person if I don't feel it.

I'm not even sure if I love myself, sad I know.

I don't know when but I lost the ability to love.

It's pride and loyalty that hold me in place, nothing else I know that.

When I say I got love for someone it's loyalty I speak of.

I cling to things that can't hurt me, I don't hold back when it comes to being cruel.

I can't help myself but I want to help others, I even cry for them.

Because I'm scared and I know they are too.

They are were I was at a younger age, now seeing someone just like me.

Broken, scared and alone.

Watching something like that grow, watching someone just like me grow.

Watch them break as I once did, I let that tear fall.

Only one and I use it sparingly, because I'm scared.

I'll face anything with good lie, and hold it all inside.

I'll do anything that you need to be done, the hurt in your eyes compel me to do so.

I'm the perfect little lie, but I'm broken scared, violent and crazy.

 Most people don't understand a front, or the reason for it.

But in the end I'm a scared little girl not ready to grow up, with a front that dosen't work. 

Because me and my lies are both broken and scared.