I'm Sorry

Where did the time go? What did I do wrong? Did I make you leave? Or did I do something wrong?I don't know. Please just answer my call. I take my time for you, but you don't do the same.I hide all my feelings, since I'm afraid. Afraid of what could happen again. I hold those memories in my mind. I don't ever let them go. Good or bad. I don't care.You're my mom. Even though you did that, I still love you. Don't you see? Can't you?Where did the time go? What did I do wrong? Did I make you leave? Or did I do something wrong?Please just tell me. It kills me on the inside! The inside of myself, my mind, my body, my soul. I just can't handle it!I try to hide it. Hide it behind my friends. Make it seem like it's not there. But it haunts me every night, but it's to late. To late to even say goodbye.I love you! You're my mom! I carry those memories with me day and night. It tightens my throat to just think. Think of all those things. All those things I did. Why is it so hard? Why is it hard to just see? To just see the truth? The truth inside me. Behind my mask of happiness. Why can't you see that? Are you blind? Or are you just hiding something also? Are you ignoring me? Or are you trying to make it last?Please just tell me!What did I do wrong? Did I say something? Or did I do something wrong?Please just use your words! Tell me you truly love me. Love me like a mom would. That would release some of the guilt that I have.I just want, I just want... I just DON'T want to lose you. You're my only mother. No one can replace that. Not even a step mom. Not even a best friend! I love you! Why can't you truly say that? Why don't you show it? It seems like we become more distant as the time goes by. I'm growing, so are you, and I know. I know that one day. One day you will go. That day I will cry. I will cry a storm for you. I love you like I love papa. You two were and are my only parents. No one will replace that.Where did the time go? What did I do wrong? Did I make you leave? Or did I do something wrong?I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry! Can you forgive me? Of course not. Look at what I caused. I caused you all this trouble. And look at what it got you,got us. A divorce. It's all my fault. Even more than that I caused. More than a divorce. Fights between the two of us. That's what I caused. And possibly even more. A long-term distrust. One that will never be forgiven. One that will never change. Change for even good. Even with good memories. This distrust will never become what it was before. Love.I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I know that this won't ever change anything, but I'm sorry! I cry every night for you. I hide myself for so many years because of you. I took my first breath because of you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all that I caused. I just.. I just... I just DON'T want you to go, becauseI love you!

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

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