I thought I saw Charles
& I really miss my grandad.
I'm fighting instead of crying
Because the tear ducts that I once had
Have closed up.
Because I taught myself strength.
I'm too young for all this pain.
I think
I need a drank.
Some Hennessy and some apple juice.
Maybe I'll stop being mad at you.
Maybe I'll actually wanna live
And forget everything that you did.
I wouldn't be sitting here
On the back of the bus on the verge of tears,p.
Trying not to react to fears
Of people getting too close to me.
This isn't how it's supposed to be.
I should be listening to gospel
Instead of plotting on how to off you,
constantly wondering how I got through
The times before. Don't want to explore
That side of my mind
Because that's where all the darkness resides.
All the times that I pushed back
My feelings and I held back my tears.
It's things bottled up that's been there for years.