Iridescence
The first time I dreamt of kissing you
I was only eighteen
And you were only eighteen
And we had our whole lives ahead of us
I was caught up in the little things
Like the color of your hair
The iridescence of your eyes
And the sound of your voice breaking over a hello on Thursday mornings
-
And I wanted it to be raining
I wanted to meet you in the street
To hear your breath catch as our lips finally met
I wanted that moment to eclipse everything
-
The first time I kissed you
We were standing atop a hill
Feeling insignificant, surrounded by flecks of significance painted into the Nashville skyline
And I'm not sure you knew it then
But I hoped to catch a glimpse of your glory on that hill
Between the straining seam of your confidence sewn together with secret insecurity
More than I ever cared to see 30th or Broadway from above
-
I didn't care that it wasn't raining
Or that the cold of early February was still clawing at our pale skin
I wanted that moment to explain everything
-
The first time I awoke
I watched the words "not this time" fall from the tip of your tongue
And break against the asphalt amongst the heavy rain
(Which did not bring the film-like sense of serenity I had once hoped)
And I felt more afraid than I knew I could
And I tried to hide my shallow breaths behind the sound of my heart beating out of my chest
And my head reminded the rest of me that pretty girls were always dangerous
But as if I had spoken all these thoughts aloud
You whispered softly to remind me
That I was the dangerous one
Who couldn't be trusted
With a heart
-
And even though it was raining
And the warmth of July was anything but discomfort
And even with tears streaming down your face
(That I couldn't tell were for my benefit or yours)
You were still breathtakingly beautiful
And I was ever so so so so so sorry
That I had possessed the audacity
To waste your time
While you had been the reason I treasured mine
-
And I wanted that moment to mean nothing
But it has always meant everything