and it doesn’t seem to ever close up
until the next person
or new group of kids
waltzes into your life to fill it
just like the rest.
and for a while you think you’re doing just fine
until you realize that they’re not sticking around either.
and you fail to recognize that these amazing people
are nothing more than just temporary bandages for your pains
and are more of a curse than a blessing.
because when it gets to the point when goodbyes
have become more of a routine than brushing your teeth
it sends you to a dark place.
it always occurs the day before you perform that gruesome ritual
that you have come to know oh so well
and it is in that weak, defenseless moment
of you sitting in your room coming to an understanding
that tomorrow will be the last day you see them
that the accusations begin.
it is in that weak, defenseless moment
where you can’t help but blame yourself
for being the reason all people leave.
self pity overtakes your body
and all you want to do is fall to the ground writhing
because you deserve nothing more.
they say it’s supposed to get easier
but i have learned that goodbyes are just like reading the letter
an old friend who is no longer here once wrote me;
it never gets easier.
so every time i let this happen to myself
i swear that i'll never get close to anyone again.
i'll never let anyone see the real me
and tell me that they love my different aspects
for my love for people grows stronger by the day
and that's what makes me feel so vulnerable.
the only thing
that manages to help
keep my head up and heart strong
when saying goodbye
is the possibility that it is more of a blessing than a curse after all,
to feel so deeply towards everything.
for love seems to be the holy grail
that we all strive to find
and how lucky am i to have gotten my heart broken
by so many different people
who carry around shards of it
in bountiful places
that make me feel like the most
missed and shared soul
i could ever wish to be.