Sing o’ gossip channels and tabloid magazines,

Sing paparazzi, news anchors and press teams,

Of the boy whose heaven blessed crime,

Caused the greatest war of our time.

 

It began with a party, the hottest in town,

in which all showed up in their fanciest gowns.

The guests were the celestials themselves,

The gods and goddesses, the all-powerful twelve.

 

From high Hollywoodian thrones they descended,

With garments and hair and faces splendid,

In the forms of the worshiped of society,

The celebrities to which humans show such piety.

 

They all came down from their lofty thrones,

Down to where the mortals make their homes,

To celebrate the engagement of the starlet pair

Pelé the strong and Thea the fair.

 

Of all the immortals in the land above,

There was one who was not asked to join the fun,

Eris, who sows discord in her wake,

Who all the others saw as a cunning snake.

 

A child star who once was celebrated,

During more primitive times Eris was highly rated,

But now was left to curse her misfortune, 

While all of her heavenly siblings enjoyed their fun.

 

Although her looks had long since vanished,

Her cunning was not yet banished,

And she devised a horrible plot,

That would reduce their revelries to naught.

 

Into the midst of the celestial meeting,

The banished goddess, anger seething,

Threw a necklace of the finest gold,

“For the fairest of them all,” it told.

 

Three stepped forward to claim the prize,

All beloved queens of the skies.

Athena, Hera and Aphrodite all thought

They must be the one the necklace sought. 

They turned to Zeus, their almighty ruler,

To tell which of them was cooler.

Not wanting to anger any of the three,

He declared the fairest mortal on earth the judge should be!

 

Off in the fastest of jets flew messenger Hermes,

To search the land and seven seas,

for the fairest male in all of creation,

who could name the prettiest goddess without hesitation.

 

Back he came with a young man,

With sparkling eyes, golden hair, and a sun-kissed tan,

Peter was the young lads name,

A young country singer in search of bigtime fame.

 

With a guitar slung over his broad shoulders,

A dimpled smile and a killer smoulder,

Peter was perfect for the difficult job,

For despite his number of admirers, he was no snob.

 

Sitting him down amidst the crowd,

With wine and food and comforts he was endowed.

Told of the job he was to do,

Peter promised he would try to speak true.

 

So, the goddesses began to think and scheme,

What might be the young man’s dream,

For they intended to win him over with gifts,

With Gucci slides, V-Bucks, or even a Nintendo Switch.

 

The first to step forth was strong and powerful Athena,

A champion athlete in the soccer arena.

She addressed him with grace and undeniable power,

Enough to make even the strongest men cower.

 

Athena offered the young, hopeful Peter

The chance to be the best in the athletic theater,

With the smarts and the strength to win any game,

Such that millions of sports fans would be chanting his name.

 

The offer was tempting to the boy

Who had long dreamt of playing for the basketball Titans of Troy,

But whose athletic ability was far from impressive,

which had often caused his bullies to get quite aggressive.

 

 

Peter told the slim and well-toned star,

That she had certainly set a very high bar,

And that he was tempted by her offer of skill and talent,

He was unsure the other goddess could challenge.

 

But before he could say that he wanted her gift,

The Queen goddess Hera stepped into his midst.

A businesswoman with a quick temper and an iron heart,

She looked every bit confident and smart.

 

With the ease of a woman used to authority,

she was quick to remind Peter of his inferiority,

 by offering to grant him dominion over all business realms,

and a status to rival the gods themselves.

 

Her gift came with the offer of money and power,

With private jets, cars, and new clothes for each hour,

And Peter who came from humble country beginnings

Thought for sure that with a life like this he’d surely be winning.

 

Once again Peter thought he must surely accept,

For her feared Hera’s wrath and contempt,

When there was a stir from the back of the crowd,

And the last contestant floated forth, light as a cloud. 

 

This third was Aphrodite, the self-proclaimed Queen

Of pop-culture and the social media scene,

With followers and likes and a make-up line to match,

No other influencers dared step in her path.

 

That was the case here as she enacted a brilliant plan,

For she knew what reward would appeal to such a man:

Love, or rather ardent adoration, of the highest degree

From a woman whose status was far from free.

 

So, she asked Peter with a sweet smile and a wink,

Exactly what the young hopeful would think,

If she promised him the very girl of his dreams,

The gorgeous new superstar, Miss Helen Del Reese.

 

For Peter, the promise of a millionaire bride-to-be

And the goddess’ irresistible charms were the key,

to getting him to straighten up and call,

“It appears Aphrodite is the fairest of all!”

 

 

Eight simple words that seemed insignificant,

Happened to make a whole world of difference,

As Peter unwittingly set into motion,

The events of the now historic commotion. 

 

For although Peter knew of Helen from articles and pictures

Which established her as a true Hollywood fixture,

He knew not of the ferocity of her fans,

Nor the devotion of her new rockstar man.

 

This husband was Manu, A real titan of the music bizz,

As Grammys and golden records and top-charting singles were his.

The two had wed in the city of dreams,

And were the new favorite couple of millions of teens.

 

So, when Peter swept in on a warm summer day,

And convinced the enchanted Helen to leave her man and run away,

Shippers of Manu and Helen sent up a cry,

Against Hollywood’s newest bad-guy.

 

Not wanting to leave the lovers to fight by themselves,

Aphrodite was quick to get on her phone,

And call all her fans to support the new couple,

Regardless of the drama or any sort of trouble.

 

Thus, commenced a battle of epic proportion,

Accounts of which have become so distorted,

That it is difficult for even the warriors to say

What happened in the Twittersphere in those few dark days.

 

A hundred thousand soldiers fighting on each side,

Their weapons insults, threats, photoshop and pride,

Tweeting and reposting and sharing and liking

With all the ferocity of ancient sea-beaten Vikings.

 

#Pelen was trending on Twitter for weeks,

Leaving their precious algorithm in heaps,

As the story took the world by furious storm,

And left so many users angry and torn.

 

It was only after a sudden sitewide crash,

That all of the hate and spam and angry backlash

Finally came to a puttering halt,

Leaving no one to say who exactly was at fault.

 

Even today the digital world is still recovering

From the war of words that caused so much suffering,

A war begun by the vanity of three,

That altered the world to a frightening degree.