My eyes wide open
Party clothes remain on my body
I continue to lay..in my bed
distraught
staring at the walls and ceiling
beginning to pray..secretly in my head
giving thanks to the Lord and asking of any forgiveness
as usual
I rise up and stretch with a face so grimace
then I drift off from reality
everything's slowed
I begin to think on God's ways
'Why are there only 12 planets?'
"Are they related to the months?"
"Are you even listening?"
What "Is there anyone out there?"
Who am I talking to "Man, I'm such a dunce"
Standing in front of the mirror
thinking 'I am going insane'
'I'm the only one answering my questions'
'I need a way out'
I drift off again and voices started to enter,
'Got jive on it' 'Hit this 211' 'Let's go to the real party'
Many strange temptations rolling around in my head,
then I fall to my knees "Was it something I said?"
I begin to crawl into my closet, curl up into a ball,
fearing everything in sight
suffering from the aftereffects from the other night,
After a half-hour of deep thinking,
I crawl back out with both eyes blinking,
Making sure it was safe
Making my way to my door something told me look behind it,
Hoping to find anything worthwhile,
I glimpse in back to find a reflection of a dead child.
I quickly turn away.
The sight of me crying was too much to bare
Then I started to ball "God, do you even care?"
I'm completely flat on my back,
then out of nowhere,
I started to feel this wondrous presence to attack
didn't have a clue what it was but it reminded me of heaven,
from way back
all the stories, testimonies, and lectures started to seemed true,
all the visions and dreams I had weren't a coincidence,
"Lord I knew it was always you"
"All this time I was having 'fun' I was missing something else,
never knew what it was; I had to find out for myself"
Every prayer I had been praying for, all the desires I asked Him to erase,
were all taken away instantly
and that's when I saw His face
At the same moment I remembered my grandparent's home..
with just me and them,
how that same feeling of serenity was present;we were never really alone..
it was always Him,
All the blame, pain, guilt, and anger of my grandmother's death,
drifted away after, right after, I exhaled my first breath,
Something in me was moving and being made whole,
at first I thought it was my body or maybe my heart
but it was much deeper,
it was my soul
then I thought
I began to see it lifted up from me,
in that instance that feeling of grace covered me,
from toe to head inside and out,
I felt higher than any other drug made me feel,
that is what Jesus is all about
Salvation. Renewing. Strength. Healing.
today I am made new and still have that everlasting feeling
I admit it was times I wanted to quit
but something in me grabbed me
held me close
and told me to push,
I told my aching body and bones "I have to complete this mission from God so hush"
my flesh was trying to arise;
I wouldn't let it,
I saw my future and I was not going to let it die;
not any emps or devil could get it,
No want to overwhelm you or make you think you will make the wrong decision,
but I have seen the WORST of sinners give their life to Christ with one transition,
So I ask you
Don't you want to fulfill your destiny,to live out your dreams and make it to those pearly gates?
Or be comfortable with your 'normal routine' life just to hear the other one snicker in your ear "You're too late"
The thought of hearing God say "Well done good and faithful servant"
To me Is more than good
it makes me want to forever pray and seek His face
that's why I'm bringing it to all people, to every hood.