Thanks to the way that I turned out to be

I follow poems inside its crowding me

Never was I among the few who tried to be gigantic

By sailing in songs

Goin across the north Atlantic

I follow my own flow

And it leads me down a river

Where the water was so cold

The thought has made me shiver

And the sun is so dim

And the sun just fades away

While the sun fades into a rim

Of my cup I drink all day

I’m sitting

Relax

Exercising my own powers

And using my mental strengths

To sit and wonder about my sours

My own internal issues

How I let them gang up inside of me

I let the rhyme pilot me

I let the plane glide higher

I let the flow confide in me

I let the plane travel farther

I let my pain allow to see

My cares wonders and stresses

I'm not gonna addresses

What I have left in there

Or What's goes into my messes

My messes being grander and larger than I possibly could imagine

And never gonna clean up until I take some action

And never gonna go until I follow with passion

And I'm never gonna glow until the chemical reaction

You see my life is in the gutter

It is on the drop fast and

I always kinda knew that it would lead me into my death

And it would bring me to the light

Just in time to catch my breath

And brings me to the edge

And only makes me more obsessed

With the future that I hold

Even though there's nothing left

I see myself in ten years

Not shedding a lone tear

Because I've been there for a while now

Didn't know that life could take you on such a wild ride now

The constant lingering sword of failure

I'm always at its will

Because whenever it wants to fall

It falls fast then it kills

Not only my physical

And my thoughts that are whimsical

But my loose mental state that is holding on by a thread

Wishing everyday that I could just drop down dead

Instead I do all else while I'm glued to my bed

And I didn't even try to pick up my head

So I could fluff my own pillow

Comfortable not said

And the sheets have rolled off

I hop off for my meds

That I can take for my pain

And my life and myself

The label left unread

I run to the bottle

And I lean back my head

Then I take off the cap

And I think that I'm dead

Then I turn to mirror

And I look in and I dread

What I have become

And what my conscious has said

It said

"You never really had the potential from the start

And when you took those pills

You added to the chart

And you became another number

And you became not important

Would you want to be a difference

Would you want to be God sent

Because right now

You are not coming through

You only wanna take these pills

And lay there till you're blue

But you can be a difference

You don't have to be a number

You can find another way out

You can be better than the others

You can live longer than the rest

You can become a greater good

You can be the bigger man

You can now be understood"

I turned towards my door and I walked outside

And stepped out my house

And the snow was pearly white

That snow was so fresh

And it has just been laid

Such a shame that my blood

Poured out from my brain

The gun fell to the ground and

Then I did too

I pulled the trigger

And my conscious

I understood you

You said another way out

You said I could be understood

So that what I did

I went under the hood

I grabbed my pistol and I cocked it back

And put it to my temple

Then I shot it blank

And then I fell to the ground

And my eyes were open

With tears running down my face

And the lies you spoke when

You tried to convince me to do no harm

Just trailed me into a more horrific death

I beared arms

I used it to kill my ingenuity

I knew that that bullet would find its way to get through to me

The bullet had left its mark on my own reality

Lifted me up

And that was the last sound I’ll ever see