Innocent wide eyes and big smile,

that's how I was known through elementary school. 

Tough kid, confident, willing to scoop up dirt, rub it on my skin and run a mile

just to prove that I am the toughest person I know.

Or at least, I used to be willing to scoop up dirt, rub it on my skin, sneer at anyone who disagrees with me.

A lot has changed since that time.

I am not the person I once thought that I'd be.

There are many times that are highlighted in the calendar of my life 

that show I am growing.

Growth, a term that is used positively, has always left a negative tastse in my mouth.

I started to grow when I realized the friends I had were not growing 

along with me, but were instead growing at different times. 

I couldn't understand the concept that sometimes

friends leave you behind while they learn how to turn on their glow. 

Sometimes friends go to places where I cannot follow.

Narrow untrusting eyes and deep frown.

That's how I was described in high school.

Quiet girl who would cower at any look lasting longer than two seconds. 

Girl who wore baggy clothes and refused to speak up when spoken too.

Abandonded and shaking like a neglected animal on the streets, 

I had forgotten what it was like to smile, to trust, and to speak to other people.

One day, laying in the sun, I whispered along to angsty songs playing in my headphones.

The warmth spread across my frown, across my furrowed brows.

I took a deep breath, thought about where I was going in life.

Yes, I'd lost friends, but I'd also gained some.

I wasn't weak like I thought I was.

I was stronger than I'd ever been.

Growth does not always mean leaving someone behind. 

And it doesn't always mean changing. 

Sometimes growth means laying in the sun, absorbing its warmth,

and realizing that I'm experiencing the beauties in life.