“I'm sorry.”

            Those were the last words I heard when the storm was over. Over the stone cold shoulder you spent years giving to me. Me who you are now apologizing to.

This all makes no sense. Back when we were kids we danced under fireflies and we laughed as the rain fell. I guess growing up means two things. The first being that sometimes the secrets we don't tell are a lie within themselves. And the second thing is we are all bound to lose someone we thought we would have forever. And boy does it hurt. I wonder if I went back in time and said the words `` I love you”, under the bleachers would it have made any difference. Letting someone go is not the hardest part of goodbye. The hardest part is having to feel their absence in the aftermath. Had I known this maybe you would still be here? You would walk beside me as we contemplated our fears and our successes. 

To have and to hold. Forever and always. The words I've wanted to share since the beginning of time, but my silence kept you away. On cold winter nights I sat in the middle of the bed wondering why admitting you love someone was so difficult. You were my best friend and a shoulder to cry on. Couldn't I say those words to you? Wouldn't I have meant the words coming from my mouth? How could I have let you get away? Mama always told me that sometimes my heart was made of stone. She reminded me that I needed to show love as much as I revived it. I hope that even though I never said the words, that you felt them and knew them. 

Those nights were the hardest, because I realized all I had lost and all that I could have gained. You went to the army. You were brave, kind and strong. Those were the words you needed to hear before that helicopter took off. Instead I said words that were nothing but whispered travesties, because I feared losing you. I wandered out into the yard and stared up into the stars knowing that's where you're laughing and dancing. One day I will join you too. And I will not be afraid to say how I feel. I will say every word I was afraid of. There is a space between us, but one day we shall meet in the middle. Until then I have to say these words for you right now.

I’m sorry. 

Sorry that I didn't say I love you over and over. Over the stars lies your heart that you spent years giving to me. Me who has a heart that has created space only for you.