You don't really know what it is

Until it's finally left you.

Both good and bad,

there are some experiences

that leave only an aftertaste.

 

He didn't love me

And I didn't love him,

though we said it every day.

There's some issues on which there is no compromise.

What he saw as essential meant nothing to me.

What I saw as protecting myself he saw as coldness.

And we liked eachother just fine-

but there was no love to be be found.

The most affection we showed for eachother

was when we both simply left.

 

We had never said we loved eachother.

We did not want to be deluded by society

into giving away love that was so precious

just because we adored eachother.

So he and I admired, praised, fought,

obsessed, cherished, and continued fighting.

We belonged to eachother and yet both felt alone.

I suppose we really did love eachother,

but two friends a good couple do not make.

He and I still speak and laugh and love

but without the bindings of romance

which we stumbled into so blindly.

We loved eachother, so we changed.

 

He was  stranger that hit me out of nowhere.

For months he had been in love

and he earned mine within a few weeks.

It was beautiful and amazing.

My stomach crawled, my head spun, my heart beat faster

yet I couldn't look him in the eye.

I still don't know what color they are.

He was such an innocent soul

And I suppose I was too

And I swore to protect him

I told him I would never force him into anything.

 

But good things must come to an end.

We parted tearfully and didn't know why

We were young and stupid

Never realizing what we had

Until we lost it.

It would have been so easy to manipulate him

and play him to my advantage.

And By God, it would have worked.

It would have felt amazing to have him back.

But I didn't.

I valued him.

I loved him.

 

Because I loved them, I let things go.

Because I loved them, I didn't think of myself.

Because I loved them, I let them find their own happiness.

 

And God I hope someone does the same for me.