life?

i am beginning to not understand life when i was younger, i thought i knew about my future now as i grow older,life is beginning to become confusing growing up without a dad is hard my mom was everything! my life is confusing now with my mom gone and everything else sometimes i feel like my dad was not a real dad life is getting complicated i am at the point where i dont care anymore i am going to live my life day by day i have this emptiness inside of me my life would be happier if you were around i am 17 living my life on a roller coaster i am wondering when will i get off this roller coaster? i just want to get off sometimes i wish i was invisible other day i want people around i dont think i will ever understand this roller coaster or even why i was chosen to ride it but for now i will continue to ride this roller coaster