That Look

My mother got me pepper spray for Christmas and at the time I scoffed. She told me she just wants me to be safe and I asked what from; she just gave me THAT LOOK. Every time I go running I strap it to my arm.

I visited my aunt in the cities and she told me not to go in the east part of city while rollerblading. I asked why not and she just said that there are bad people out there, accompanied by THAT LOOK.

While on vacation my mom told me she didn't like the way the owner of our hotel looked at me. She told me, "Don't go anywhere if your brother, Dad or I isn't with you okay? I told your sister the same thing." I gave her a questioning look and she answered by giving me THAT LOOK.

You want to know why I can't even walk out of our hotel by myself? Because I'm a girl. Because I might get fucking RAPED.

You want to know why I don't ask my mom WHY very time she doesn't answer? Because I know THAT LOOK just means, "Darling, your just a fragile female. Big men out there can take what they want from your beautiful body. We are women: unprotected. Which really just translates to: Your a girl, you have to be careful because you might get RAPED without someone strong to protect you.

While I was biking through town with my brother, no pepper spray on my arm because he would think I was wimpy, we stopped to get ice cream and sit in the park. By the bandshell there were a crowd of homeless men tattoos and smoking that were staring at us. I told my brother I wanted to leave, and he said I'm judging people too fast. They got up, started catcalling- that's when we left. That's when he realized we should go because these were big men and I was just a girl, and who knows, I could get RAPED.

I never learned to pray because my parents were never religious, but I think this make-believe god we have needs to start protecting his precious women. Sometimes at night I'll put my hands together like how I've seen on tv or read in books and I'll ask whoever's out there to send these fucking rapists to hell. I'm sick of hearing women telling me to watch what I wear and not to flirt too much and to stay sober around guys who can't keep their fucking pants up. I'm tired of seeing people give me THAT LOOK.

This poem is about: 
Me
My country
Our world

Comments

Grant-Grey Porter Hawk Guda

Powerfully written, never stop expressing your heart and mind, please share more. 

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741