I. When I speak, I stumble over sentences.
Like words are so uncomfortable in my mouth,
That they fall haphazardly into the world.
II. My hair is a wreck, and my eyes are like winter.
There are days where I feel like the atoms of my body
Came together in a storm and never quite fit just right.
III. I constantly find myself going back to the months I spent with you.
I hear your words in my head all the time.
"You put your love in a basket clearly labeled 'Do not touch.'"
"You can't be raped by someone you love."
"Kill yourself if it hurts so badly."
IV. It has been almost a full year,
And I still think of you almost every day.
People told me love was beautiful.
There was nothing poetic about the way I loved you,
And your struggle to maintain power over me.
I still tremble in memory of you
Whenever my boyfriend touches me.
V. I wish you could see that you made me afraid
In every sense of the word.
Fear is constricting.
I spent too many nights
Wishing my lungs would stop gasping for air.
My very existence became whiskey and wasted thoughts.
I forgot who I am,
And I'm still busy trying to figure it out.