Losing Myself


I. When I speak, I stumble over sentences.

Like words are so uncomfortable in my mouth,

That they fall haphazardly into the world.

II. My hair is a wreck, and my eyes are like winter.

There are days where I feel like the atoms of my body

Came together in a storm and never quite fit just right.

III. I constantly find myself going back to the months I spent with you.

I hear your words in my head all the time.

"You put your love in a basket clearly labeled 'Do not touch.'"

"You can't be raped by someone you love."

"Kill yourself if it hurts so badly."

IV. It has been almost a full year,

And I still think of you almost every day.

People told me love was beautiful.

There was nothing poetic about the way I loved you,

And your struggle to maintain power over me.

I still tremble in memory of you

Whenever my boyfriend touches me.

V. I wish you could see that you made me afraid

In every sense of the word.

Fear is constricting.

I spent too many nights 

Wishing my lungs would stop gasping for air.

My very existence became whiskey and wasted thoughts.

I forgot who I am,

And I'm still busy trying to figure it out.


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741