I love you

Is a word that

Consistently reconstructs

Itself depending on

Its use.

 

I love you came in high spirits

And genuine joy.

We had become close friends

That year and you couldn’t

Exclaim it any louder.

 

In my darkest moments,

You were there holding me

Close, reminding me that

You would be the light if

My mind got too dark.

 

I trusted you.

You took advantage of me.

The light became dim and

I couldn’t break the strings

You made me dance with.

 

How did I love you

Become a method to

Trap me in an unhealthy

Codependency I would

Suffocate in?

 

The blame and the guilt

Gripped their hands tightly

Around my throat every time

I uttered an apology for

Something I couldn’t control.

 

When did I let you think

I was okay with you sending me

pictures of you slicing your thighs open?

Was my mental health

Important at all?

 

I had to plead,

And scream,

And beg you

To stop.

 

Only when I kept receiving

The pictures did I realize,

I was physically broken.

I couldn’t form the words

To tell you to stop.

 

The fighting,

The screaming,

The periods of silence,

Became a medicated fog

I was too intoxicated to leave.

 

I made new friends,

The next year who made me

Laugh so hard I wanted to be

Accepted by them more

Than anything.

 

They accepted me.

They let me dance freely

In the wind, reminding

Me what it felt like to taste

The refreshing chilly breeze.

 

Finally, I found my voice

And whispered for you

To stop.

My whisper resonated as a shout

When the air between us stilled.

 

Slowly, I distanced myself

Without an explanation

Because I knew my strength

Would diminish if you cried

As I left.

 

My strings were cut,

as painful as an angel's fall

from grace as all the good memories

were washed black with finalty

in the situation. 

 

I gulped in the nippy air

As fast as I possibly could

To remind myself what it

Felt like to have warm feelings

In a chilly world.

 

I love you came again

As a brief moment of

Hesitation. The phrase

Shined through my storm clouds

To simply remind me I’m not alone.

 

Health relationships are

Wholehearted care not for

The purpose of gaining trust

To manipulate someone later

Down the line.

 

Trust is knowing that even if

There is a rough patch, you will

Never, ever have your weaknesses

Held against you to bring you

Down.

 

Respect guides you to know

When to back down and when

To stand your group because

Some things are just better left

Unsaid at the time being.

 

Lying creates infertile soil

In a budding relationships.

Honesty, accepts both the

Thorns and the beautiful rose

To help it grow.

 

I love you,

Is a soft, mumbled,

Heartfelt phrase that should

Echo genuine love no matter

What volume.