A Lover

Day and night I’ve waited and cried

Though on me will I lay my chide

King David was sure

His heart made pure

A gift, a curse, to feel remorse

Empowering joy, overwhelming pain

These are the things that reside in my brain

Emotions that surge, and pulse in my veins

That cripple my movement, then take flight again

Do I fall in love so easily?

Is it true every time with you and with me?

Discovery made

Enlightenment raid

Through my soul I now know the Lord’s heart is portrayed

Does He feel this same hurt?

Every day broken heart

Then in new life take joy

When she finds a new boy

And I’m happy to see?

But I do not know why!

Why must this be me?

My heart a live creature that’s hung on a tree

Just beaten and tortured by those that I see

I’ve loved them with all that my heart can endure

And gladly would I suffer ever more

Rhymes falling apart

Pieces of broken heart

Given now a new meaning

For my brokenness screaming

I love them! I love them! I love them! I do!

And it is all one sided, what must I go through?

Is there someone out there, another to care?

One who could put them away

And in me dream to dare

Am I worth this? I’m lonely! Please Lord rescue me!

Allow me some peace, oh heart let me be!

I’ve lost everything, I’ve bled my last tear

How does it still flow? Internally there

Teach me how, oh I know that there could be a way

Use this bleeding heart for good purpose some day

How long will this last? I never asked for this!

From deep in my past, myself gone to abyss

And I’m left on the floor, with a gun to my head

All so that someone else does not have to fall dead

Yes I’d do it for any of the poor ones on earth

I thought it was natural, my heart and it’s girth

How can it be that my lungs now have air once again?

Yet I’d give my last breath for one to have a friend

So will that be my fate, as I belong to You?

To die here alone, for some, I never knew

Could it be just that simple? Oh God tell me please

Or will you allow them bring me to my knees?

Could I fight it, I pray? As my mind turns to fray

No it’s in me for good, no hope for me today

Oh but what do I care? This old selfish vessel

Deceiving, and hurting, in me is evil’s threshold

I’m not the right one, there must be a mistake

Because I hold the gun, no more lives will I take

Murderous thief of the hearts that I break

Abuse them and leave them like skin of a snake

I forgive myself for what I think I have done

I could recite it all day but alone I am one

Alone I am left no one to understand

That the world is much bigger than the fist of a hand

And I am too small for any of this

But this is my curse, God’s love is my gift.