Me
2 Corinthians 13:5 5 Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves.Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you are disqualified. Me
Admitting who I really am ... why is it so painful?
Do I like who I pretend to be ... more than I like me?
Seems that somewhere in the past ... I “made” myself faithful
To Him who I wished to be ... to set myself “free”.
No turning on the way I choose ... it’s a one way infusion.
No chance to touch the self ... I left so far behind.
The one I lost somewhere ... in the dessert of confusion
The true self I need to be ... I did not pay it mind.
Now I meet the one I was ... deep in my own children.
The one I did not like before ... and I appreciate now.
Even though it appears to me ... that they are so different.
I just hope and pray ... that they won’t leave self somehow.
Often the past appears ... when I cross the fences
To get to a private place ... where I have no right to be.
I tear my clothes and skin ... under false pretenses
To justify me being there ... I am a fool indeed.
When I hurt and feel the loss ... of what I have done to self.
I blame everyone but me ... for the predicament I’m in.
In thought and word I then condemn ... placing ashes on a shelf
Of them that got burned by me ... in the inner battle I can’t win.
Justified by my own blindness ... I lick my self-inflicted wounds.
My blood tastes sweet in satisfaction ... that I got even with my world.
It feels so good to rule my life ... out of my self-made tomb
And justify my desires ... increasing my treasure of faux pearls.
Jan Wienen