I am so ashamed

Is it worth it to peel back my skin?

It is burning flesh beneath the skin. It is Rawness So vulnerable

I might die from exposure

I sit in my car by the semi frozen river

Wondering if I could be brave enough to walk out on the ice

Hear it crack and fall thru like tapping through brittle thin crust of creme brulee.

So soft and creamy and cold beneath the hot ice atop it. 

I could sink down and be enveloped into the cream. Sink down and down and down. Getting darker and darker, until there is only suspended peace. 

Then the hole above my head will slowly form ice crystals closer and closer together, until I am gone within. Only then will this relentless torture be melted away