So long have I been waiting,

For this to come through,

So long has it been,

To see I'm starting anew,

 

The struggles I have experienced,

Throughout my life,

On my knees in despair,

Insurmountable strife.

 

Trauma and loss,

My modus operandi,

I didn't give a toss,

Like I wanted to die.

 

Being on the fringes,

For an age or two,

Wanting to implode,

On the daily menu.

 

Drifting everyday,

Was how it was for me,

Exhaustion was a feeling,

That accompanied me. 

 

Therapy and Ayahausca,

Had their part to play,

Tears of sadness and heart ache,

Lot's came my way.

 

At times it was too much,

Feeling overwhelming,

Thoughts of suicide,

Daily occurring. 

 

Yes it was a struggle,

To live this way,

Didn't know any different,

Melancholic play.

 

Lucky I'm stubborn,

Mentally,

Knew not to break,

Emotionally.

 

Price I paid,

For this anguishing journey,

Years went rapidly by,

Middle aged suddenly.

 

Can't get back,

What I lost,

Missed opportunities,

Regretfully lost.

 

Change my ways,

Can't continue this way,

Change my narrative,

Or else I'll decay.

 

Living with someone,

New thing for me,

Waking up with someone,

Feelings of security.

 

Level's of Maslow,

Exploring to see,

Wanting more,

Hierachy of needs.

 

Doctor can you help me,

Prescribe something for me,

Happy tablets are there name,

This is what I need.

 

Can see this is the push,

Needed for me,

No more madness inside,

Mentally.

 

Stable and normal,

Finally,

Stable and Focused,

Where I want to be.

 

Can plan ahead,

With certainty,

Can plan for my future,

Much brighter now see.