Well, you’re good and gone now,

And I’m sure you’re better off with us behind.

But I’m not sure I am. 

I mean, I’m sure I will be, 

And I’m sure the world will not end at 15,

But, I’m just not ready for what that means. 

We were the authentic us,

Or, at least you weren’t afraid of the authentic me.

And I had you when I had nothing else.

But now, the nothing else is just nothing,

And you know this of me.

You escaped the blade that bound us through our sullen hearts, 

Only then by pushing yours farther into my back.

I think maybe your decision was premature. 

You should’ve, could’ve, and would’ve bled out…

But my desperation keeps me here to tend to your wound.

And as I do, I begin to notice 

The other scars you hide in plain sight. 

If only I had tended to them earlier, maybe I could’ve saved you. 

How egotistical it was to think you couldn’t save yourself.

But your scars are all too familiar, for I have just as many of my own.

I gave them to me, and I’m sure I gave them to you too.

I guess we were toxic then,

But you loved me, and I can remember a time when I felt that too.

I’m sure you remember that I always said it, but hardly ever meant it,

And I’m sure that hurt just as I do now. 

So, I guess this poem should be my closure.

Why am I not then grateful?

Most relationships do not get that gift. 

But fuck that, 

I wanted to approve of your spouse and watch you marry.

I wanted to cry when we graduated,

Heck, I even miss our fights

Because I knew you would hug me when it ended.

I never knew your advice would be limited,

And there are only so many words in the “open me when” and “50 things I love you about you” boxes.

Maybe those writers of cliche were right,

“You never know what you have until it’s gone.”

You used to tell me I was stuck with you for life.

So, if “mutual friends” is what you want now,

I can only hope you might change your mind about that too.

I need space to grow,

You need space to grow.

The days of defined relationship status and commitment are behind us now,

But I will not leave you in entirety.

I will always be here in some way, 

And I hope you can see the importance of that. 

If you want to sail away from the life we led, 

I will provide the winds from behind your back,

But if you decide to stay for a while longer, 

I will block the strongest of winds from ever blowing you down.

Either stranded without you or lost with you,

I will better myself… for you. 

So, I now put it all out there:

Give us the transition we never allowed ourselves to make, 

For we did it all wrong the first time.

Let us sprout from the earth at a healthier distance,

So that our roots may intertwine, 

But my leaves may not block your sunlight. 

Mutuals, you say, but how about friends?