My Epileptic Love

The first to know The last to cry. The greatest smile The worse way to die. Love was shielded by fear Cloaked to look like hate. While I “loved” another, I pushed you away And told you to find another to date. All you wanted was me And all I wanted was you. But I was trapped and you were sicker What could I really do? I got in more trouble You had seizures at night. And I knew, just knew, I should’ve called you But something just didn’t feel right. You weren’t in class the next day I thought you were coming later. And then I was told the reality You weren’t coming to class, not today…not ever. I’m very silent when mourning I hardly say a word. And then I found the pen and the paper It helps me feel heard. It helps me cope with what I’ve done It helps with all the yearning. It has helped me cope with the idea of dying And all the life lessons I’ve been learning. The more I write about my very first love The easier my pain becomes. He loved me till the night he died I wish it was all undone. All the writing helps me let go So I’ll be writing for a while. And every time I write a poem I think about his smile. And so I write for you, my love My epileptic friend. I’ll write to help cope everyday Until I see you again.