whenever i feel like im losing myself

i remember him, and wish he was beside me

i think about the way he holds me close to him

whenever we are together, and hate

hate that he is trapped in that house- that trash heap

the ceilings caving in, sugar ants invading,

the smell of dog piss and weed fills the air.

holes in the wall and door broken down

i want him out of there, i need him next to me

 

every anniversary he gets me jewelery,

i tell him "save the money"

but he doesnt care, and i guess i dont care much either

for each piece ties me too him

a moonstone necklace that reflects a rainbow,

a turquoise and tungsten promise ring

but i cant promise him anything but my love

im useless right now

no job, no plan, i just panic

but hes there to calm me down

he could leave at any time and be fine

i would fall apart, i would shut off

i'd want to sink beneath the bath water 

and forget this lifetime, start anew

but i always think, does he need me too?