6/05/14

 

My name is Alyssa and I come from the middle class

I have tan yellow skin and a pear shaped ass and have the intellectual

capacity to rapidly 

devour knowledge in the masses 

I am consumed by my madness

and living lavish and being an intellectual savage 

I am predisposed to loan you my soul

but expect nun in return cus I was raised cold and alone.  

Daddy loves so hard and fills his hard head with harsh thoughts that make his heart rot and die

Regenerating to feel something just to die with the feelings he has inside 

So I watch his death through his eyes

He only prizes me and my brother when we accomplish monster intellectual feats 

Not when we try to disclose our mawkish needs

So we feed into his lies and watch as he hides behind the father figure he wishes he could exemplify 

How many nights I watched death through his eyes and wanted to die 

Tried to find life in other men's sighs only to be left colder than the mirror daddy uses for his lines

They say I'm a prize for any man to want 

And I try to empathize with it all 

But I'm so far gone that I can only listen to my heart

I think so much, I can never reason with what haunts me 

And listen to the rationality of my philosophies 

Finding discipline in the events that scar me 

So I let myself feel pain no matter how hurtful or jarring 

It brings the pleasure to my brain 

Let me bruise and bleed and stray away from things that make me sane

Masochism at its finest so I choose to stay the same. 

And fuck it, now my heart broke

My passive aggressiveness ain't let me spoke

So now I'm bitter and childish

Just wanna do wild shit

You didn't appreciate me at my kindest 

So I shield my heart with the same guard that left you blinded.