My Own Worst Critic

Location

Confused...
Wishing that I knew what to do.
Angry.
Yearning for the day
that I'll get a clue.
Get a clue as to why I
let them antagonize me.
Because all I really want
is to be free.
Free from all the drama,
and the tears.
God...my annoyance has gone on
for so long it's felt like years!
I always let others' opinions
determine how I feel.
And sometimes I feel so bad
it's surreal.
And though things in the past
I've done were wrong,
I wish that I didn't so often
feel that I don't belong.
Sympathies are often misplaced...
due to problems
that I have yet to face.
And betrayal has been caused by best friends
of whom I once thought cared...
Friends?...Never again.
A fabrication our friendship was, however,
I am still grateful for the time
we shared.
And while betraying me was indeed, wrong.
It was this betrayal that helped
me become strong.
However, I wish that I was a
different person every so often.
Because...
Disappointing I know I am.
Boring I am still...
For the lifestyle in which I partake
is sometimes like that of the
terminally ill.
The callousness of my words
is exasperating, I know.
And my arduous behavior
simply needs to go.
So a changed person, I often long
to be.
However, ridding myself of these
repugnant habits is not easy.
I usually find myself...exuberant.
Zealous, if I may.
However, my becoming jealous often
takes that away.
Callow, I definitely feel at times.
But however immature I can be,
there are some I know that are
far worse than me!
And although this is no excuse,
being despondent about an action
that seldom happens is something
I refuse.
But, I'm sorry to all those of whom
I have offended or hurt
in the past...
And I'm even more sorry for
the ominous shadow over myself
that has since been cast.
But I know what is wrong
with me.
And trust me, I'm "under construction."
But people, you must know, I am an
unfinished production.
I am still young;
there's still time to grow.
So of course there's still
holes within myself
of which I have to sew.
So I entreat you, please
give me some time.
And if you like me how I am...thank you.
You're really, too kind.
And in the end,
I must say...I don't mean to be a cynic.
What can I say?
I'm my own worst critic.

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