My Paradox
Barren and desolate I’ll lay
Empty and so afraid
Shivering in the sun
Teeth gritting in the calm not before the storm
I’ll be here
Within my solitude
My bubble of independence unable to look out through the thick fog of my persistent self-destruction.
No purpose
No willing need to rise or fall
Merely to lay barren in this state of unrest
Trying to justify the context of this inner demon
Escaping in a scratching fit of emotional wreckage
It claws out of my chest
Pushing me back into my self made cage of ignorance
Another
Tucked in my head it lays comfortable
Resting on the introverted infrastructure it has created
It whispers in my ear
No!
Stop!
If they care, push them back before they hurt you!
It tells me to play it safe
To not get hurt by loving
Like a parasite it feeds
Draining away the one thing I crave
Like the water I drink
The food I eat
I crave that love like an addict aching to stick that needle in his bruised yellow infected arm
I need it!
Yet I push it away
Hiding behind this cloud of a lack of empathy
I am an oxymoron
Two contrasting elements unifying together in harmony
No harmony, only suffering
One voice
Two voice
They rant on dissipating my existence into a fight of passion
For passion
I need it
Yet, Barren and desolate I’ll lay
Empty and so afraid
Shivering in the sun
Teeth gritting in the calm not before the storm
I’ll be here
Within my solitude