By My Side

I have so much time now to think about things

I pray not to waste it, my mind on a string

I just follow the line and look where I’m brought

Imagination impending, paranoia, my thoughts

And I think about you, my good dream of the past

Like a vision that’s blurry, behind sheets of glass

Memory, do I dwell on what I now have not?

Obsessive, not likely, just counting old lot

It is not that I had something oh so surreal

But a friend that stood by me, who could respond and feel

And I took all those feelings, and crushed in clenched fists

Everything that did know me, who I am, nothing fits

And I stand here alone, not much strength in my stance

Swayed with breeze that does bend me, not worth second glance

And believe that I’d do it all over again

Still ashamed I do wonder how things might have been

So alone I will stand with no one to call friend

All my thoughts, keep inside, until finales end.

And this future I saw, proven false prophesy

The one thing I long for, I will never see

And ten years to go by, will I still see a lie?

Or will who I am change? Could a pig really fly?

As I wait I grow curious, different man I do wonder

But my heart knows the truth, and it hurts classic blunder

I’ve been irresponsible! With no reason at all

Just nature, excuses, I ready my fall

How could I be allowed to love?

Either hide, or away I will shove

For my heart still does break with the grief

Of the guilt left, my blood red stained sheath

Look inside me what more can I take?

Living nightmare will I never wake?

Yes I see it as clearly as day

Of hate toward love I have portrayed

The only one purposely hurt

Never forget those sharp stinging words

I’m no good to make anyone glad

You must see this misogynist lad

Should never be addressed as a dad

And that is so horribly sad

All life’s toil to father them right

All my love, giving all of my fight

Cant hear God, on my heart there’s no pull

My depression, a weight on my soul

And there’s no one to turn to, to vent

All alone I do murmur repent

Others pass and they call themselves friends

But they’ll never know me, none to mend

All the scars of my wounds I will keep

And I will follow my path like a sheep

Will not turn to the right or the left

Not look back so my heart you won’t theft

And I’ll cry all alone in my heart

So that you’ll never see control part

I’ll stand strong and will try, persevere

Until my heart has bled its last tear.