God settle my heart
Its beating quickly and anxiously.
I'm the creep of the century, whatever that means.
Makes me want to crawl back into my whole.
Not react or communicate with any soul.
Wish i could just live alone.
Why do I always get targeted so.
Its my deamenor isn't it.
How do I change it, fuck.
I can't stand this feeling.
I want to be free of it.
Make me normal, make me like everyone, make me confident with my existence, make me feel ok to love myself unconditionally...
It's in the pit of my stomach.
Like hot coals.
What will it take for it to cool down and settle.
It took one person to out me down.
Fuck I hate talking like this I'm reliving my past mistakes.
Over and over and over again.
Change.
A drastic internal change is what I need.
I can't get rid of this feeling.
I feel it sinking deeper into my being.
An internal battle within my body.
Change or remain the same.
Change or remain the same.
But I have acquired a stubborn trait, i will resist change until the very end.
I will suffer until I can't any longer.
Help me God, I need guidance and love.