sometimes i wonder

what things would have been like

if i had forgiven you a little sooner

if i had kept my mouth shut

if i hadn't fallen for the wrong guy

if i hadn't expected you to tell the truth

if i hadn't ended things the way i did.

could have.

would have.

should have.

truth is

i've never been a fan of

messy endings.

i like my endings

clean cut

even

not a frayed edge in sight.

i like my endings

over and done with

no door or window left open

and maybe it's a flaw of my character

(i'm not perfect, you know)

but i can't help but think

that you're in my past for a reason

and no amount of

inside jokes

long talks

tears

laughter

memories

nostalgia

can bring back the friendship we once had.

you always said you loved me

but i think you just loved the way i loved you.

i sometimes wish i could go back

make things right

accept your apology

make plans to get coffee

but now our friendship is gone

buried

six feet under

and it's finally stopped haunting me

no ectoplasmic

shared experiences

judgment-free talks

cooking sprees

or gimmicks about yellow boats

left for me to exorcise.

it's done.

when you killed our friendship

it was premeditated and in the third degree.

consider my absence

your jail time.