This month I was supposed to have a baby, but instead, I lost another one. 

 

By now, one should have been named, loved, photographed

But instead, another joins that one.

 

The stats say one in four, but when you never win any other drawings with those numbers,

 you don't think you'll be that one

 

By now, I was supposed to be a mom, my husband a daddy,

But instead, I'm wondering if we'll ever have one

 

I know I should just wait, play out the cards, wait out the circumstances,

But instead, I'm stuck. Pining for that one.

 

Because even though school would suck, and the symptoms would hurt, and I'd need a new job, and I'd never have enough sleep in my life again…

...I'd still rather have one.

 

I scorn at women who go to school to get useless family studies degrees and don't look beyond their value other than being a mom because I can see so much more potential in them and they can be BOTH but they don't SEE that,

….but deep inside, if I had to choose, I'd want at least one.

 

Today I would have been a mother, and I almost was again,

But instead, I am not one.

 

And in the end, I don't know how many of these I'll have to deal with, 

But I still want just one…