i feel so young
yet so awfully old all at once
i need life to slow down for me
because i can't decide who i am
or where i want to be
or what's going to come of all of this
i've pictured myself at this time in my life for years
but i guess i never imagined the picture being
in my hands
i'm so afraid i've messed everything up
or i'm too late
what if i'm not making my younger self proud?
have i done anything meaningful?
have i left a mark?
what if i died tomorrow...
would the world miss me?
would the world rememeber me at all?
should i want to be rememebered?
do people think of me often?
and when they do
do they smile?
am i really who i've painted myself out to be in my head?
maybe i'm so messed up
i can't change
i wish i could love myself
i wish i was like other girls
i don't like being this way
i don't like being this sad
i don't feel sixteen
i feel like a dumb child playing dress up
i still have so many questions
why do i feel so young
yet so awfully old?
i want to enjoy right now
but my head is full
i need a drain
i need to drain it all out
i want to be the picture i've painted myself out to be
i want to be the picture of the girl on my phone
i want to be the girl they want
i want to stop wanting shit
i want to be content
i want to understand God and be able to hear him
i want to be so deeply rooted in him
but for some reason i always fail in the