For i am to blame you say, for the bruises that my concealer couldn't cover. For the scars that would swell. For the scabs that would soak the covers. For i am to blame you say.

"And now that i blame you, i will create more."

Now, i can blame you for more stained sheets, swollen scars, and my concealer that is too weak;after so many layers that it starts to look like dough. 

" I'm so sorry. "

You would say after your fire burns out. After the curtains draw back from your eyes to reveal your 'soul'. You see what you have done. You feel the heat from your palms, the pool of sweat covering your tracks,my body. 

swollen face. Tear ridden lashes. The slobber that drip from my face mixed with your spit. 

Nothing i could say would make anything better. 

Eventually, i turned off the light. Myself. 

I'm made with the most rich silk, diamonds, pearls, this bright aura.  

Made me drink soot, Glued my mouth. Tightened my collar so tight I couldn't breath.

And, honestly, i had forgotten what breathing was. I would wonder what the sun feels like on my now colorless skin. 

Oh how i earn to just get one little whiff of the air, or maybe just maybe pretty please can i have just a .01 second glimpse of the sun?

sometimes, id find myself at the window, lying to myself, trying to smell the air through the sealed cracks.

'' THE AIR. SO PURE. SMELL OF FRESHLY CUT GRASS. PEOPLE. "

 

 

Now. You are behind a gate. Bars. 

Karma.

Now you will understand how i felt. Except it was worse. 

Imagine being free, but still kept in a small metal crate. Hit if you had moved your foot cause you're uncomfortable.

 And soon your hands will run free. But not on me. 

 My soul is returning from the pain you have poured on me. 

No Knee begging and apologies. 

For my iridescent wings have grown back, that you hacked off.

 For you will Not fill me with your own guilt- with your selfishness. Your play on victom .

FUCK YOU. 

MyDarling.

<3 <3