Pre-Meditated

Location

07106
United States
40° 44' 35.8332" N, 74° 13' 57.3816" W

You crazy girl, you wanted this didn’t you
You wanted to hear the sound of the condom pop
Letting you know his semen had dropped
On the other hand your heart was throbbing
You came to the catharsis that you were robbing
Robbing yourself
Robbing him
Robbing unpolished dreams
And hidden futures left within

You whisper to the magnetic fingerprints upon your belly
“I feel you baby, but I only used you for bate, to keep my man
I’m sorry I didn’t know what was at stake”

How could you be so selfish, so manipulative, to come up with a devious plan
And to think women all over the world use this trick to hold a man

It wasn’t me I didn’t plan this, I swear
Then why are there holes left in the rubber, you didn’t even care

My heart beats out my chest,
Thoughts of putting this baby to rest
It all seemed cool when I thought it out
But now I’m at the scene and I have some doubt

He’s gone, so what do I need you for
Suddenly I struck the floor
Sharp pains in my abdomen
I think my baby was screaming “keep me”
From within

Everything started to feel connected
My heart going hand in hand with my brain,
Making me feels as if I was insane
My heart connecting to my uterus
Holding the womb in which I thought represented us

But no it represented me raising this child alone
Still having no one to hold
Tricking every night dancing on poles
Trying out for different roles
Just to give my baby the WHOLE
World
I mean isn’t that what every parent tries to give their little boy or little girl

But how can I give a world that I hadn’t even experienced myself
I guess I wasn’t watching as these cards were dealt

My hands were ticking with the seconds of the clock
Every moment was precious, but my mind had hit a block

All over Face book people were doing it and it seemed so cute
Until it got out of hand and became a dispute
Dispute upon who was the father
And posted statuses about “Dead beat fathers”
And unfit women clothing themselves
And not caring if their children walked out looking like elves
And men having a new women buying her more than, the mother can their own child
And this is not what family should be about
And women not having the patience to handle the child
And ended up leaving scars upon the mouth
And no parent wants to watch the child on a Friday night
And they both leave her home with the grandma who has cancer out of spite
And who’s left to blame when the child takes a bite
Of a chemical smothered with termites
In a drug invested, smoke infested house
When the child’s only friend was a dead mouse

But these are the lines in between the beautiful stories told
About how these parents love their little boy or girls
These are the scars hidden behind the KODAK pictures
And the stories only seen if you are a part of the scripture
These are the truths, hidden behind what are the untruths

These are the posted statuses reading “I love my baby with all my heart”
When really two seconds later their screaming they want to rip them a part
These are the posted statues reading “I will smack the mess out you”
But no one’s taking these as serious; they believe that’s what to do
These are the reposted statuses “Going out tonight whoop whoop”
Yet nobody’s home to clean up their child’s poop poop

I don’t want to be that mom, that teenage mom who hides behind a picture
And a loving status to make herself happy
That mom who looks for different men to play the role daddy
That mom who struggles without a penny
Knowing this is not why the lord sent me
That mom who stresses over child support
And sneaks in the baby father’s page trying to see who he support’s
That mom who keeps having babies
Just to get the government’s Maybe
Will support you with section 8
With a 100 dollars food stamps for each child; rebate
I am Grateful
To have many mother who do make this sacrifice
But I don’t think I’m ready to pay that price

Looking at a future through the eyes that are no longer mine
What rights have I?
I want to survive
But so does this child wrapped in my hive

I’ll pass; I’ll have the suction abortion at that
Wow how mean was that

MUDERER!! MURDERER!!
Shouting in my brain
but o how patient I remain
YOU’RE GOING TO HELL!!
Just keeping in my mind only God will judge me
And he’s a merciful guy

I lay on the table before the doctor come in
I thought I owed it to my baby to tell her how it begin

Look baby at heart
I’m as young as you
I didn’t even realize what I knew
This was pre-meditated between me n you
I’m sorry but your dad went and flew
I want you to have a good life
And be reborn again
just forgive your mother for
This awful sin
I love you hope we meet again

Doctor’s comes back in…
Are you positive you want to do this?
Did you think all the way through Ms?
I answered “I’m Positive”

August 15, 2011 11:08 am
Monday

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