Pre-Meditated

You crazy girl, you wanted this didn’t you You wanted to hear the sound of the condom pop Letting you know his semen had dropped On the other hand your heart was throbbing You came to the catharsis that you were robbing Robbing yourself Robbing him Robbing unpolished dreams And hidden futures left within You whisper to the magnetic fingerprints upon your belly “I feel you baby, but I only used you for bate, to keep my man I’m sorry I didn’t know what was at stake” How could you be so selfish, so manipulative, to come up with a devious plan And to think women all over the world use this trick to hold a man It wasn’t me I didn’t plan this, I swear Then why are there holes left in the rubber, you didn’t even care My heart beats out my chest, Thoughts of putting this baby to rest It all seemed cool when I thought it out But now I’m at the scene and I have some doubt He’s gone, so what do I need you for Suddenly I struck the floor Sharp pains in my abdomen I think my baby was screaming “keep me” From within Everything started to feel connected My heart going hand in hand with my brain, Making me feels as if I was insane My heart connecting to my uterus Holding the womb in which I thought represented us But no it represented me raising this child alone Still having no one to hold Tricking every night dancing on poles Trying out for different roles Just to give my baby the WHOLE World I mean isn’t that what every parent tries to give their little boy or little girl But how can I give a world that I hadn’t even experienced myself I guess I wasn’t watching as these cards were dealt My hands were ticking with the seconds of the clock Every moment was precious, but my mind had hit a block All over Face book people were doing it and it seemed so cute Until it got out of hand and became a dispute Dispute upon who was the father And posted statuses about “Dead beat fathers” And unfit women clothing themselves And not caring if their children walked out looking like elves And men having a new women buying her more than, the mother can their own child And this is not what family should be about And women not having the patience to handle the child And ended up leaving scars upon the mouth And no parent wants to watch the child on a Friday night And they both leave her home with the grandma who has cancer out of spite And who’s left to blame when the child takes a bite Of a chemical smothered with termites In a drug invested, smoke infested house When the child’s only friend was a dead mouse But these are the lines in between the beautiful stories told About how these parents love their little boy or girls These are the scars hidden behind the KODAK pictures And the stories only seen if you are a part of the scripture These are the truths, hidden behind what are the untruths These are the posted statuses reading “I love my baby with all my heart” When really two seconds later their screaming they want to rip them a part These are the posted statues reading “I will smack the mess out you” But no one’s taking these as serious; they believe that’s what to do These are the reposted statuses “Going out tonight whoop whoop” Yet nobody’s home to clean up their child’s poop poop I don’t want to be that mom, that teenage mom who hides behind a picture And a loving status to make herself happy That mom who looks for different men to play the role daddy That mom who struggles without a penny Knowing this is not why the lord sent me That mom who stresses over child support And sneaks in the baby father’s page trying to see who he support’s That mom who keeps having babies Just to get the government’s Maybe Will support you with section 8 With a 100 dollars food stamps for each child; rebate I am Grateful To have many mother who do make this sacrifice But I don’t think I’m ready to pay that price Looking at a future through the eyes that are no longer mine What rights have I? I want to survive But so does this child wrapped in my hive I’ll pass; I’ll have the suction abortion at that Wow how mean was that MUDERER!! MURDERER!! Shouting in my brain but o how patient I remain YOU’RE GOING TO HELL!! Just keeping in my mind only God will judge me And he’s a merciful guy I lay on the table before the doctor come in I thought I owed it to my baby to tell her how it begin Look baby at heart I’m as young as you I didn’t even realize what I knew This was pre-meditated between me n you I’m sorry but your dad went and flew I want you to have a good life And be reborn again just forgive your mother for This awful sin I love you hope we meet again Doctor’s comes back in… Are you positive you want to do this? Did you think all the way through Ms? I answered “I’m Positive” August 15, 2011 11:08 am Monday