Pretending

The curtains open.
The audience is silent.
My heart aches.
But the show must go on.

Fake a smile.
To hide my sadden frown.
Fake a laugh.
To conceal the tears I'm actually choking on.
...

Ah. Your smile is the only light I see.
Ah. Your laughter is my only remedy.
...

I can't take this anymore.
Pretending not be hurt,
When I'm constantly sighing at the fact:
"It's not me who you're smiling with"
...

Fake a happy go lucky face.
To cover up my worn out expression.
Fake a cheerful tone of voice!
To bury away the stuttering words.
...

Tch. This pain just won't fade away.
Tch. Another tearful night. Another act for the day.
...

It's too hard too play this decieving role.
Everyday it's the same act:
Smile, Laugh, Never cry.
I swear, one day, I'm just going to lose it!
...

Hide my frown, so the crowd can smile.
Conceal my tears, so the bystanders can laugh.
Cover up my worn down expression, so the people can clap.
Bury my stuttering words, so everyone can just listen.
...

Tug at my strings.
Hold me strong by the wooden sticks.
Dance me on the stage.
One, two, Step. One, two, Step.
...

Sigh. " Master, the crowd has grown bored of me."
Sigh. "Just give it up, and leave me be"
...

I'm growing tired of pretending.
Tired of wearing this cracked mask.
Wearing this crooked smile.
This hoarse laugh.
...

It's old. It's weary.
It's sad. It's dreary.
...

But I can't complain.
Not once. Not at all.
I chose this for me, and me alone.
To always be happy just for you.

My crooked smile is to match yours.
My hoarse laugh is to be heard like yours.
My tired, restless, expression is to be seen as yours.
My stuttering cracked voice is to be just as yours.
...

Draw away the delusions of me being 'sad'.
Just prance about happily!
Then they'll never notice.
Then you'll never care...
...

But I don't mind!
I chose this.
To only be fake for you.
Just your happiness alone can keep me hurting.
...

Smile at my tears.
For to you they're just joy.
Laugh at my cries.
For to you they're just hiccuped laughter.
...

Poke at my annoyed and saddened face.
For to you it's just my lack of sleep.
Mock my lack of speech and silence.
For to you it's just embrassment.
...

The curtains are closing.
The audience claps.
My heart still aches.
But it's just another 'show' without them knowing the truth.
...

"Goodnight, I hope you enjoyed my final act of the day"
Take the bow.
The claps are harder.
The tears leak just a tad.
...

Walk away.
Back to my room.
Lock myself in.
Another night preparing.
Another day pretending.

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