the walls draw closer as I draw each breath
my death in this place is imminent
they tell me I’m meant to fulfill one thing in life
to make each customer feel like a king as I sing
his every whim in this dimly lit room
that draws closer with every breath
I draw
I draw red circles on my thin sunken cheeks and the tears leak
slowly from my blacklined eyes,
eyes that have seen more horror than hell itself can possibly hold
eyes that have grown cold from the use and abuse and the truth doesn’t exist
in this fragile existence
there is no such thing as love
truth has no worth in this line of work where I’m treated worse
than a piece of meat
I’M BEAT, do you hear me? Beat!
They defeated me so long ago that I’ve been a slave for more years than I haven’t.

The heat of their bodies makes me swelter and squirm
I’m a worm in their eyes
They don’t smile on their way out
and they never turn back when I cry out in pain
Escape would be vain
I can’t feign that I’m hopeful
because truth is, I’m hopeless

I’m voiceless in this silent world of pain
and I’m drained of all purpose as I’m treated like a One-Time-Use
article of sexual gratification
and I’m saving my earnings to fuel my yearning for freedom

maybe if I don’t get sick this year
and I don’t need an abortion
and my clothes stay in decent shape
and my weight continues to stay manageable
so I can attract the best clientele,
maybe by the time next winter rolls around
I can sound the alarm of freedom

but who am I kidding?
I’ve been living in this shithole since the day I turned fourteen
and had I foreseen a life of misery, maybe I would have tried a little harder
to struggle against those shackles they chained around my ankles
and the mattress wouldn’t have mourned the early loss of my virginity
and my honor would have lasted a little longer
and I wouldn’t feel this emptiness
maybe hatred wouldn’t be my middle name

and I know I’m not the one to blame
for this state I’m in, but I feel so guilty
for every dick that’s been shoved inside me
and every sweat-streaked body that laid next to me
every night for the past eight years
my fear is that no one even knows I exist
this thought makes my hands curl into fists
and I wish that I had a savior

the walls draw closer as I draw each breath
my death in this place is imminent
they tell me I’m meant to fulfill one thing in life
to make each customer feel like a king as I sing
his every whim in this dimly lit room

I assume that these men have wives
and after fucking me they’ll resume their normal lives
without casting a thought toward the tears that I cry
and the anguish that hides inside
I lie in my room after they’ve left
and I want to die
My customers don’t give a shit
what goes on inside of me
they just want to abuse my body
and I’m sobbing

and the lobby of this hostel is the only place I can face myself
because out there, in that room, I’m clothed and surrounded by
arms that embrace me
the other women here understand me
and they wish the same things as me
and their bodies are just as violated

but I hardly have the strength anymore to withstand conversation
my vocal chords have withered from lack of use
but my abdomen is swollen with memories
and I want to be done
and I think soon I will be

the walls draw closer as I draw each breath
my death in this place is imminent
they tell me I’m meant to fulfill one thing in life
to make each customer feel like a king as I sing
his every whim in this dimly lit room
that draws closer with every breath

soon I’ll draw my last one