Regret

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I daydream about younger years and have to stop the tears from swelling in my eyes. Almost every single memory is ruined by the pain of bitterness, deceit and lies. 
The smile on my innocent face was nothing short of real. But, as odd as it was, those emotions were just too deep for my whole little heart to feel. 
All the "what ifs" and questions that life and love threw my way- I still wouldn't be able to promise you that our fate would have turned out the same. 
Instead of pulling you into my arms and never letting go, I, ironically, pushed you further away and morphed into a version of myself that I didn't even know. 
My heart filled with love was replaced by freedom and greed. Little did I realize, at that time, how much of you, all of you, I actually did need. 
I didn't know then how much regret I'd have to face. Or how my heart would tear into a billion pieces at just the mention of your name. 
I never stopped to think how often you'd appear in my mind. Or how, years later, it's still difficult to just leave all those memories behind. 
I wish I could just go back and meet my younger self. I'd break every, little detail down and amaze you with a fraction of the cards you could eventually have been dealt. 
I'd let you in on the heartbreak and the ever so reoccuring dreams. I'd make sure you'd listen to your fateful heart, I'd basically do anything within my means. 
If I had to lock you in a cage to wait until all these years had gone by- maybe there'd be a chance and if nothing else I'd save those beautiful brown eyes from all the cries. 
I'd save you from the wondering worry of what might have been, and if in the cards it just wasn't meant to be-at least we'd still be friends. 

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