it hurts to say this once again,

but you don’t know the pain that im in. 

the pain is in me but you can’t see

there is a way i can show you but

you won’t be proud of me. 

i want to use the blade once again

to show you all the pain im in

but if i relapse…my work is gone

i hope you know that you have won

“there are healthier alternatives” you say

but i want to go back to my old ways

i fight the tears and realize i lost, 

the pain i was in is now gone. 

now it seems that i have won

I’m surprised theres any blood left inside

considering all those nights spent crying

i need to get better, 

but not today

i cut and say

there is no hope 

i want to die