1.

If you scrape away the dirt,

the granite,

the roses the color of blood on pavement,

it was closed casket, by the way

you find a girl—

 

with hair like chocolate

her favorite food

eyes like emeralds

her favorite stone

and a crescent mouth

that wore warmth like a

sweater

every day in deep winter.

her favorite season

 

The people who carried her coffin

cried

as if she hadn’t told them not to.

Funny how these promises get broken

when they say they never will.

not so different after death,

is it?

 

2.

Press pause.

 

Rewind.

 

If it doesn’t work,

restart it.

 

3.

It was raining

the day you died.

isn't it always?

The call came

at 4:03 in the afternoon.

I was doing homework

There was no gun shot,

Columbine, April 20th 1999

no train wreck,

Rennert, December 16th 1943

no plane crash.

flight 587, November 12th 2001

Just one minute you were here

and

the next

you

weren’t.

 

Your mom was crying,

but at least no one could see it

out there

in the rain.

I couldn’t speak

I didn’t dare

The two of us held each other

and screamed

at the clouds.

they were hiding God’s face

 

Your brother grew up

so fast that day,

but

I wouldn’t let him look behind the house

because that’s where

the puddles

were starting to turn red.

 

4.

When you’re upset,

you cry.

 

When you’re afraid,

you hold your breath.

 

Maybe it was better

that you didn’t do that.

you would’ve drowned

 

 

5.

I wonder

how many unsaid words

still linger

on all of our minds.

 

I bet

there are a lot.

 

6.

She loved Shakespeare.

 

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny

but in ourselves

and that’s what she believed

God gave her a face

and she made another

Hell is empty

and all the devils are here,

and that’s why she was never afraid

to die

Cowards die many times

before their deaths;

the valiant never taste of death

but once.

but was she a coward

or a hero?

All the world’s a stage,

and all the men and women merely players:

they have their exits and their entrances.

but her exit was early

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

but she never said good night

 

7.

You always said

no one would care

if you died.

well, what do you think?

 

Your dad wonders

what it would’ve been like

if he had walked you down this aisle in a white dress

and not a solid wood coffin.

Your mom screams wordlessly

to God

a God she doesn’t love.

Your best friend

pounds apologies into the wall

with

every

beat

of

her

heart.

Your dog sits at the foot of your bed,

day in and day out

waiting for a master

who’s never coming back.

Buddy doesn’t understand

and neither do we.

 

8.

No one thought

that

it would be you,

you always smiled for us

asked us how our days were

messaged us first

and now

now we know it’s our fault.

no one ever smiled just for you

asked you how your day was

spoke first

No one could say

that they tried

hard enough.

 

No one could say

that

they tried

to

save you.

 

9.

No, we don’t need

to talk about this now.

yes we do

You’re right, it’s still

too soon.

you're wrong

That’s true,

she should have told someone.

we should have noticed

No,

I don’t want to see her picture.

please let me

let me see her

just one more time

 

10.

Did I ever tell you

that I loved you?

 

11.