Second best,

Is that what I really am?
Why can’t I be first?
I try to be the best,

You say you are a friend.

But a real friend would know me,

How I am sad all the time,

How I am afraid of driving,

How I am afraid of failing.

If you really “knew” me,

You would know all of these things.

Yet, when I like someone,

You decide that they aren’t worth my time,

But they are worth yours.

Are they really?

Are you just saying that to me?

Why can I never be first?
I was really sick,

You remember what you told me?
“It’s just in your head,”

“Your fine, stop trying to get attention.”

Yet that wasn’t what the doctors said,

They were shocked that I didn’t come in earlier.

Why is it when you are sick,

I pampered you?
Is it because I am a nice person?
Or is it because I want you to treat me like this?
Why is it I can’t find a person who will put me first?
Is I because you scare them away?
Is it because I feel worthless?
If I can’t love myself, how can I love another?
Is it because you are in my why?
Why can’t I put myself first?

Is it because I am so used to being second?

There will be a day when I will be first,

There will be a day when you are second,

Then what?
Will I treat you as you treated me?
Ignored, treated like a nobody?

I know this,

I couldn’t do it.

It’s not in me to do that to others,

But it is in you.

Why is it okay for you to treat me one way,

But for me to treat you like a princess?

You take me for granted,

You always have.

Just recently I have been putting myself first,

You don’t like that.

I have decided that I need you out of my life,

To have someone else be in my life.

Someone who will put me first, not second.

Someone who will treat me right,

Not like a person with no feelings.

But one of these days we will run into each other,

I will be happier,

I will be put first in someone’s life.

You, however, will be bitter.

I know, I know,

It may not be true,

But it could really happen.

I do know this,

No one should be a second,

They should be a first.