I recently have adapted this fear of serial killers.

I have become so amazed in their minds and this extensive interest has now instilled this constant fear in my mind.

What would I do?

If i came across an encounter like that in my life what would I do?

The truth is I have no idea.

And that's the scariest part.

Then the more I think

The more I realize

I have already had these encounters.

I have experienced them every day

And I see these people everyday

Because there is no “Most Wanted” list for these types of killers.

For they take hearts so effortlessly

With the grace of angels

And a touch that would leave anyone breathless.

The first one is thought to hurt the most and for a long time I believed that was true.

But I no longer do. I believe that the relationship you invest the most of yourself in

Give the most love to

Learn the most about

When they are your best friend and lover at the same time.

These are the ones that hurt the most.

You are comfortable with them, and that's when they strike.

They take everything you have as if everything you already gave wasn't good enough.

That's the worst part. Not feeling like you're good enough.

Sometimes they come back.

Wanting more from you.

And it's funny how they always come back just as you are starting to heal your wounds.

The same ones they left you to deal with yourself.

That is the goal.

To me the emotional burden while you receive all the riches you stole but so proudly call yours?

A dirty con.

A mindless thief

Who has nothing but himself to live for.

These are the types of people I have a dumbfounded attraction to

This is the curse that god gave me

Loving those who often never love me back.

But always hoping they will.

Becoming a victim to their endless mind games and manipulative tricks.

But I never see it coming.

I trust them,

Love them

Often more than I love myself.

And everytime I do

God shows me why it was a mistake

Mistakes should not be repeated but I always seemed to repeat these ones

In a way I turned from prey to predator

The game was easy to learn and soon I became better at it than the same ones I learned it from.

And then I realized why they all did it to me so many times. It was so much fun controlling someone in such a fucked up way.

It's a totally sadistic and submissive way to think of the people who you claim to love in your life.

But that's the truth.

I soon became addicted to hurting men the same ways they had hurt me.

It then became a competition to see who could do it better.

When I wouldn't win it would anger me and I would always try again until

It was too late.

And I would hurt them until they felt the same way I did after all this time.

Then I was satisfied.

We grow up learning to not hurt the ones we love but often times

The ones we love

Are the best ones to hurt.

This is the sad reality of life

More specifically the life I have lived.

So in the end it seems as though its all just a big game

The hunter and the hunted

And somehow i became one from the other and here I am

Stuck in this never ending labyrinth

Of cries and screams

Laughter and joy

Tears and heartache

Lust and love

Along with everything in between and I just wonder

When will i ever escape this game

I feel like i'm at war with myself

Im waving the white flag now.