I know I'm intelligent, even with the brain I have that never had a chance to develop properly due to the perversions of an old, disgusting man.

I know I could have been more in life if I had been given the opportunity...doctor, lawyer, scientist, artist... the list goes on.

I know I never had a chance.

I know my youth was stolen from me completely.

I know time I should have had the opportunity to feel safe was never there.

I know it was not my fault at all.

I know it was wrong from the very beginning and no matter how many times my inner voice repeated over and over to my 9 year old mind these words... "Michelle, you know this is not right or how it's supposed to be... No matter what don't let this damage your life beyond repair. Be strong don't let this get to you."

I know it wasn't possible to grasp these words internally as my brain was still developing and the devistation twisted and wrapped it's way around the structure of my brain like morning glory that's impossible to kill.

I know a mechanism to always scan my surroundings for possible danger, no matter where I am, has been built inside my mind permanently and without my even realizing I do this.

I know every relationship I've tried so hard to have never had a chance as I never learned the skills to navigate this.

I know times and places where I should have felt afraid, I never did because the worst had already happened to me.

I know I trust no one because it's just not possible.

I know I have eternally hoped for the best, but expected the worst.

I know there are walls built around my heart so high it's impossible to scale them, let alone tear them down.

I know the trauma I experienced left my entire being stuck in a constant state of fight or flight that allowed chronic illness in the form of multiple autoimmune diseases to come into my body, take over and wreak havoc upon every living cell.

I know it has taken away my life for the second time.

I know these things will never change.

I know I never had a chance.

I know all forms of childhood abuse need people to stand up and made it known.

I know it's still stigmatized and swept under the rug.

I know hundreds and thousands of lives are going to be stopped and destroyed by it.

I know.