Today I decided I was done

I was so done with it

and I am done with it.

I am done with myself.

So very done.

I am done with the restless nights

contemplating whether or not I should kill myself

done with the days of not eating because dammit

I was getting too “hippy”

or whatever the fuck that means,

I am done with making people deal with my shit attitude

because I am too blind to realize that it’s y tears

and hate of myself

clouding my ability to love

and accept love.

I am so very done with myself.

So it is time I rip the masks from my face,

peel back the uncleansed skin that clings to my hollow bones,

wipe off the fake smiles and perkiness

because today is no longer the day I wish to be 

a better me.

Today is the day I become one

with myself, at last, I am one.

I am throwing away the me everyone

has blindly accepted

but rather the rotten flesh that lies beneath the niceties.

I am broken

and scarred

and awful

and so very unloving at times

but if you just let me show you that I can

transcend these walls

maybe you can understand.

But, maybe in my own way

I can help you.

Because underneath those layers

of arrogance and insanity

caught up in the desire to fit in,

there is a human being

breathing

and living in the darkest corners of your

shattered personality.

Let me help you

let me show you that the naked

and terrified truth that you are,

is so much more than what you wear to cloak

your sins.