I welcomed in 2016 with you in my arms

Just like I did last year

But it feels different

I remember when back then

We called eight days cuddle withdrawal

I won’t see you again until march

 

I survive until then

School was okay

I’m starting to get used to the cactus

I’m starting to get used to the people

I promised you I’d move back for next year

It’s looking more impossible than ever

And I’m not sure I want to

 

The distance is harder than ever

It’s May now and I know I can’t come back

You beg for me to move in with my dad

It’s an hour away from you

It’s better than nothing

I tell you no

But you ask for one last chance at convincing me anyway

 

Your cards of persuasion come

I read them and they fail to convince

I get ready to write you back saying that I can’t do it

Another new school in so short a time seems impossible

And I sit down to write and I am stuck

And stuck

And stuck

And I don’t think until now if I want it

I never considered what I wanted

I listened to my weaknesses

My insecurities

My fears

I was better than that

 

So I wrote you saying I would do it

I told my mom shortly after

She told me you weren’t good enough for me

She told me I was too young to see the consequences

She knew I wouldn’t listen

We have hope now

But I still won’t see you for another two months

 

It’s June and I miss you

I’ve missed you the whole time

But I really feel it now

I’m leaving my home life as I know it

Never to live with my mother again

You’re in Texas now

We are circling each other

Parents swapping us around until we barely know if we’re in the same time zone

I’ve never gone this long without seeing you

 

I convince my dad to drive me to Texas near the end of July

I can’t wait to see you but i’m scared

I don’t know why

But I’m scared

I can feel myself getting closer to you

I can feel my sister drifting away

I left her and my mother for you and

I’m scared

 

We see each other and my heart doesn’t stop

I barely feel relief

Or even happiness

I don’t cry tears of joy

But after a few minutes I’m not mad at myself for this

It doesn’t matter that I’m in a state I’ll never lived in

A house i’ve never been in

I’m home

Because you are home

And coming home isn’t tears

It is peace

 

I leave again a few days later

My dad only has so long off of work

But you are coming home soon

It feels so unreal

To see you again after such a short time

Hasn’t happened in over a year

To know that it’s over

The waiting months to hold your hand

The constant “I miss you”s

The dull tension in my chest

It’s over

I see you again in a week

 

My next challenge is starting school

My main fear has come

I thought it would be harder than last year

Starting my third high school

After starting my second the year before

But I was wrong

I knew what to expect this time

Not the building

Or the people

Or the teachers

None of that

But the aloneness

The pattern

The sociology of it all

I was now trained in the art of new schools

And I learned that midwestern hospitality is real

 

Soon I have a newfound love for my new school

I miss my mom making me dinner

But the new classmates warmed up to me

Much faster than the old ones ever did

I see you almost every weekend and I have no regrets

 

We apply for the same college and get accepted

It’s comforting to know I’ll be returning to my hometown

What better of a starting point for my adult life

I have real plan for the future for the first time

I have hope

 

As the election draws closer and closer I get nervous

The possibility of him being president seems far off

Close enough to cause us worry though

I’m not old enough to vote

Even then I’m not sure it would help

My state tends blue anyway

I worry about fall play instead

 

The results surprise most experts

He loses the popular vote my over 1 million

And I have to be scared my rights will be taken away

I worry your rights will be taken away

I worry that we might die in nuclear war

We have less to worry about then some

 

But I realize that four years in the span of a lifetime is short

It may be almost a fifth of my life when it’s done

But just five percent in the long run

I brace myself for the worst

But I know that we’ll make it

 

We don’t see each other for new years

It’s the first one we’ve missed

But you’re in Texas again

I’m in Indianapolis

My dad trying really hard to make my sisters winter break interesting

We stay up together anyway

The same way we started the year

But so astronomically different