Stranger

 

Hello

Hey stranger

Hi person whom I've never heard of or seen before

How are you?

Okay? That's nice

But things aren't nice  me

You aren't nice for me

You, stranger, unknown human, random person that sits beside me,

You

Cause havoc, cause my once stable walls to come crashing down around me, cause my whole world to shake with fear and worry and disaster

Over nothing

You sit beside me because there isn't any other place to, you scroll through your phone, reading people's tweets of nonsense, completely fine

But here I am, the contrary 

You leave

But the panic and the terror stay

Like a shell of what had once been okay, what had once been beautiful

It's been destroyed from the inside out so that every glance, every giggle, every gesture is perceived as to hurt me

As to tear me down piece by piece so I'm this little wisp of a thing that is so fragile and delicate that not even my mother can touch without cracking every single time

I wish that it wasn't that easy

Wasn't easy for me to break so soon under such small pressure

Like just a little interaction felt like the end of the world was weighing down on my chest

Crushing me

Grinding up my lungs so the air cannot get through

Soaking my hands in sweat

Pounding my heart

Twisting my stomach

Shaking my limbs

Making tears leave my eyes

Because every time 

Everytime

It feels so heavy

So ponderously gigantic

So rugged and jagged that it scrapes my skin

Leaving scars in its wake that never heal, never leave

It hurts

And it always will.

 

~ Emma Beets