Strength to Move Past the Abuse

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 17:53 -- MCCAWJ

Location

37379
United States
35° 18' 58.2516" N, 85° 10' 7.2264" W

When we met, we were meant to be. It was so clear.
Then I saw another side and was always in fear.
How can you love someone and try to change them?
I see through you now like a transparent gem.

I’m mad at you for making such stupid decisions.
Now I’m getting all these bad visions.
You know better and you can be so much more.
You can change you always assure.
I’m mad at you for what you did to me.
Its not just that though, its what you did to my family.
I’m mad at myself for caring,
Even with all the burdens I was bearing.
I’m mad at myself for being what I swore I’d never be.
So held down, I was no longer free.

Thinking I was different was my big mistake.
All you ever did was take and take and take.
In your warped way I think you treated me the best,
At least better then you did the rest,
But I deserve more than what I got.
I really put up with a lot.

When it was good, it was perfect.
When it was bad, I was a wreck.
There was no such thing as in between.
I was either worthless or I was a queen.
Such a child, innocent, only good for loving you.
I mean hey, it’s all I really knew.
My lullabies you played on the piano,
Were sweet but powerful like a volcano.
Your angel voice,
Well it was my favorite noise,
Until the sweet talk suddenly changed to screaming.
I always wished I was just dreaming.

I never wanted anything more,
But come to find out it was a never ending war.
I’d lose every time no matter how hard I tried to fight,
Fight for you, fight for us, fight till you were back on a high.
I was alienated from anything that wasn’t you.
I never thought I’d be through.

When you gave me the ring,
It meant something.
To you though, it was just another way to control me.
I’ll never live up to what you want me to be.
Now I know, that’s a good thing.
I didn’t need to be tied up by your little strings.
Your mental disorder and the way you were brought up can be blamed,
But I should be unashamed.
Unashamed of who I am and what I do,
I know I was good to you.

I’m finally to the point where I know I didn’t deserve that.
Maybe one day, you’ll just be something I looked at.
I wish you the best,
But your actions would’ve continued to progress.
I hope one day you will be under control,
That way you can fulfill your role.
Though we can’t have a future together,
Because now I know better,
You taught me some valuable lessons,
In the prime of my adolescence.

The mental and physical abuse was not acceptable.
Don’t ever settle for something insensible.
Even when it seems there is no one else for you,
I promise that’s not true, for the longest I thought that to.
It won’t be easy to do,
Because it was real for you.
Find strength where there is none.
I know you’re coming undone,
But you’ll be even better then when you had begun.

Comments

becwilson3223

Wow.. this is beautiful! I'll be honest, typically with long poems, I bore easily, but I loved reading this. I can relate. Beautiful poem.

P.S: The picture goes perfectly. Good choice.

MCCAWJ

It's deffinatly an intense subject.. Thank you so much!!!

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