These final moments
Have been these last few final years
Plagued by many omens
Heart attack as sudden as my wife disappears
Perched at my lips
A sponge soaked in iced tea
Swallowing is right at my fingertips
But just a fingertip away from me
A sweet taste on the tongue
But then dissipates
Wish I could swallow like when I was young
But then I would aspirate
Huffing, heaving, clearing of throat
Before these symptoms exacerbate
Again on the tongue the material floats
And now I spit it into a cup or onto a plate
Running out onto my lips
And down off my chin
There the iced tea saliva drips
From my cold white withered skin
And isn’t this state to be in
An evil one condemned to me?
Am I repaying for my sins?
For being the true me…
You’re not free if you have no free will
Regimented nurse check-ins and regimented pills
Feeding in feeding tubes. Urinating in catheter lines
That make up my “enter” and “exit” designs
Such an unnatural sustainment of life
Sustaining a concernment, oh so blithe
There is nothing more I want to see
Those days are over and I’ve had my time
There is nothing more I want for me
To taste and swallow would be so sublime
Why should suicide be such a crime?
If I have nothing more to give…
Alone, drinking iced tea one last time
What’s the point of living if you can’t live?