Tested

You tested my patience,

my unofficial commitment,

you tested my ability to actually love someone,

or feel at all.

You tested how well I could live without a father.

Anyone I actually loved.

You tested how well I could cry,

how long I could go without letting some secret out,

you tested how many times a person could touch me,

before I finally swat their hand away.

I was happy then, regardless of how many roller-coasters you took me on.

but you tested how long it would take,

for me to notice you weren’t home more and more,

and you tested how long I would avoid you,

and how much time I would spend figuring out what I did wrong.

You tested a lot.

And you won them all like always.

It’s not your fault,

I know that.

It never was.