You tested my patience,
my unofficial commitment,
you tested my ability to actually love someone,
or feel at all.
You tested how well I could live without a father.
Anyone I actually loved.
You tested how well I could cry,
how long I could go without letting some secret out,
you tested how many times a person could touch me,
before I finally swat their hand away.
I was happy then, regardless of how many roller-coasters you took me on.
but you tested how long it would take,
for me to notice you weren’t home more and more,
and you tested how long I would avoid you,
and how much time I would spend figuring out what I did wrong.
You tested a lot.
And you won them all like always.
It’s not your fault,
I know that.
It never was.