Three Words

Location

Identity
Who are you?
The biggest question to ask yourself
Who are you really?
Do I know or should I know?

Realization
The truth hovers over me waiting to be in my grasp
Reaching to cup the answers to all my questions is arduous
But I have to know

Honestly
I know but the world is ignorant
Very few I trusted in vain
Will everyone criticize?
Should I hide now?
I'm closer to the brink of freedom but a force is pulling the mask back over me

Hesitation
Pain enters every pore as I am taught who I should be
A man asserts his opinion and forces me into the truth he wants me to feel
"I'm teaching you straight" he says
Lesson learned

Three words
The hesitation is heavier now
I utter the words silently to a lost mind
Dementia accepts the words
Would a clear mind?
Would a mother

Second try
I let the words leave my lip again
No judgment
No pain
I could be okay
I can be myself

Hesitation
It comes again
Can I let the world know?
Can I speak the words?
When I try the questions arise but I am fine
I answer with strength
I answer with courage

Why?
There is no reason
I did not choose this
My dad leaving hurt
My mom's stroke took her right mind and affected me
The countless people I lost damaged me
These are all reasons my strength is now impeccable but not an explanation for who I love
But I did not choose this

Love
A needed shove
As her hangs get tangled in mine, I feel tingles run down my spine to my toes
How could this be wrong?
The stares in public are terrifying but she squeezes her palms into mine tightly
A sense of protection and safety fills me
I'm ready

Power
My heart races and my blood beats against my skin as the three words sit willingly on the tip of my tounge
My mind plays reasons to stay hidden is the sweet bliss of ignorance
It's a part I am unable to play with satisfaction
I am ready to let the fire of truth burn down the city
I'm ready.

Freedom
It's within reach and I will grab it
No hesitation and the fear is withering away
The three words ignite and nothing can extinguish it's flame
With them loose, I will be engulfed in the pleasure of freedom
I let them out
I am gay

Guide that inspired this poem: 

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